Parenthood & Children

The Evolution of Moms

Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:

• Your Clothes:
  • 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
  • 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
  • 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.
• The Baby's Name:
  • 1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
  • 2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
  • 3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect!
• Preparing for the Birth:
  • 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
  • 2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
  • 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
• The Layette:
  • 1st baby: You prewash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
  • 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
  • 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
• Worries:
  • 1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown - you pick up the baby.
  • 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
  • 3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
• Activities:
  • 1st baby:You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
  • 2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
  • 3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
• Going Out:
  • 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
  • 2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
  • 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
• At Home:
  • 1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
  • 2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
  • 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Sports Nicknames

When one of my neighbors was in high school, he mentioned that he'd like to have a cool nickname for the football team, kind of like the "Ragin' Cajuns."

Unfortunately, however, his team was called the Spartans....

Ouch!

Two five year old boys are sitting in a hospital room. One leans over to the other and says, "What are you in here for?" The other says, "circumcision." The first boy says, "Oh, I had that done right after I was born...I couldn't walk for a year."

Service?

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning son."

"Good morning pastor" replied the young man, focused on the plaque.

"Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked.

"Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor.

Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30 service?"

Bad Baby

An old country doctor was called out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was really far away and there was no electricity.

When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her five-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so that he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

"Hit him again, Doc! Hit him again!" the five-year-old said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"

Page last updated on: 1/27/2002