Miscellaneous Jokes

36 politically correct ways to say someone is stupid:

One Opinion of Grad School

"Grad school is the snooze button on the alarm clock of life."

Driving in the Triangle

Andy Green set a new land speed record, driving the Thrust 55C at 763.035 mph, 15 mph faster than the speed of sound.

And right behind him was some jerk riding his bumper, honking the horn, and flipping him off.

The Lesson

Then Jesus took his disciples up to the mountain and gathering them around him he taught them, saying:

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are the meek.

Blessed are they that mourn.

Blessed are the merciful.

Blessed are they that thirst for justice.

Blessed are you when you are persecuted.

Blessed are you when you suffer.

Be glad and rejoice for your reward is great in heaven.

Then Simon Peter said, "Are we supposed to know this?"
And Andrew said, "Do we have to write this down?"
And James said, "Will we have a test on this?"
And Phillip said, "I don't have any paper."
And Bartholomew said, "Do we have to turn this in?"
And John said, "The other disciples didn't have to learn this."
And Matthew said, "May I go to the bathroom?"
And Judas said, "What does this have to do with real life?"

Then one of the Pharisees who was present asked to see Jesus' lesson plans and inquired of Jesus, "Where are your anticipatory sets and your objectives in the cognitive domain?"

And Jesus wept.

In-Flight Humor

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

German Vocabulary

Question: What is the German word for constipation?

Answer: Farfrompoopin.

Religious Billboards

The following quotes are from various billboards, mostly seen around South Carolina:

Smart Remarks

Try using these some time...

Page last updated on: 9/1/2003